How Coaching Freed Me From My Own Bull***t

I’m shocking myself here, but it’s the honest truth. The best money I’ve ever spent is the hefty £5,000 (yes, it hurt!) on a coach who I’ve been working with since the beginning of this year.

Coaching isn’t something anyone strictly needs. It’s easily lumped in the luxury-that’s-nice-to-have department. It’s the sort of thing I would have rolled my eyes at just a year ago. I used to think coaching was totally wishy-washy. Maybe useful for people who were confused and didn’t really know what they were doing. But OBVIOUSLY this didn’t apply to me.I’m a pitta you see, and this means that I know everything already.  Ha!

Being an only child I’m pretty darn independent. I’ve always enjoyed and taken pride in blazing through things solo. On the surface level, it’s done me well. I’m successful in many ways. The idea of working with someone else, like a coach, or God-forbid a whole group, was not altogheter appealing.

That all changed dramatically this year.

They say that when the student is ready the teacher appears. I guess I was finally ready and humble enough this year to accept that going it solo isn’t the most effective way of travelling through life. I was ready to receive the support I needed. 

My life on the surface has been ‘successful’:

A* grades at school, check; university degree, check; good career with regular progression up the ladder, check; a partner who I genuinely think is the most awesome person in the world, check!

And yet, there were some pretty big internal challenges that I’d be grappling with for years.

I realise looking back to the start of this year that I had given up on myself. My relationship to my deepest desires, my core values and my life itself was out of whack and I’d resigned myself to this being ‘just the way it is…’ You gotta be ‘realistic’, right?

That’s where my coach came in. It’s as though I had been sitting in a darkened room, the four walls of which were made up of my own bullshit stories, excuses, limiting beliefs and fears.

I was sitting tight in this darkened space of resignation. Comfortable within the walls of my familiar if dissatisfying stories.

budWhen she came along she turned on the lights. Showed me there was a door right in front of me to exit the room.  “You can stay there if you want” she said, “but choosing not to step into your full potential and live life fully is just that, a choice, not an inevitability”.

It is so powerful to have someone point out your own bullshit to you. More often than not, we just can’t see it for ourselves. It’s much easier to see the inherent greatness and potential in another person. It’s easy to see their stories and limiting beliefs for the self-made shackles that they truly are and see the many possibilities available to them.

It’s waaaaaaa[insert about million more ‘a’s]y harder to do this with ourselves.

Our own fears and objections to stepping up and out into the world seem very real. The imaginary boundaries we’ve created to keep ourselves seemingly safe actually choke us instead. Nevertheless, we continue to cling to them. The excuses and weak reasoning as to why it has to be so, for us, pour forth like a fountain of never-ending yes, but-bullshit.

When you have a coaching relationship you cannot hide behind the bullshit anymore. A good coach changes the changeway you look at the world, which changes your world. That’s huge! And you can’t unsee what you’ve already seen. There’s no going back. Which can be painful if all you want to do is scuttle back into your box of limiting beliefs.

Coaching prods and probes you until the best of you rises to the surface to take responsibility for your life experience.

You can engage with life and create an experience that is so utterly fulfilling that your baseline is ‘bliss with overtones of ecstasy’ right through to ‘fine’ and ‘ugh, yuke’. You choose where on the spectrum you want to live from. Coaching helps you see that there’s always choice. 

If you’re not feeling fully alive and vibrant that’s a choice.

If you’re not doing work that inspires you, that’s a choice.

If something’s not working, you can choose to persevere and try something different.

If you’re piling on the pounds and moving towards stiffness, degeneration, and disease, that’s a choice.  

If you don’t have what you most want in life, that’s a choice, albeit a subconscious one.

If you wake up feeling like you’ve won the lottery every morning, that’s a choice, you’ve chosen to have the blissipline to take the actions that will lead to that experience.

You choose what you get in life. You choose how you feel. You choose whether you live a life aligned with your values. You choose whether to experience fulfillment or simply it’s-fine-ment

You choose.

Getting a coach has been my best investment so far because this point is crystal clear to me now. No more bullshit. No more excuses. My coaching relationship has empowered me to step into my authentic power.  
No more eye-rolling from this pitta.

The power of choice and freedom from self-made bullshit is something I can get behind.  When you realise the only thing stopping you is YOU, you become unstoppable. 

Author: Sam Vale Noya

Yoga instructor currently living and teaching in Reading, UK.